I was in 5th grade when I first felt shy about my breasts. A crush of mine told our friends, “I like Bianca (real name changed) more than Anna (my other name) because she doesn’t have any boobs.” Yes, I heard him say it that since then, I felt less confident and started wearing loose shirts.
I had my first teenage bra when I was in 8th grade because I forced my mom to buy me one just so I would look more teen-ish.
It was only in college, I was 18 years old, when I had the courage to look at my body on a mirror. I realized I looked just fine, the size of my breasts compliment the type of my body. And since then, I’d prefer to wear bra with less pads in it.
I got pregnant and gave birth to Elmo. The first week, my breasts were engorged because I was nursing. I looked at the mirror and told myself, “So, this is how they look like on me? Well, I don’t look good with them big.”
While I was nursing Elmo, I had a hard time breastfeeding him because of my inverted nipples. I kept trying, had malunggay soup everyday, stayed healthy and even used breast pumps just to give Elmo milk. But on Elmo’s third month, I ran out of milk and had to stop breastfeeding. I felt down and depressed because I wanted to nurture him longer than I could. Elmo’s pediatrician told me that what’s important was that I nursed him the first couple of months. And my Mom helped me understood that even if I ran out of milk, it didn’t make me less of a mother to Elmo.
A year after I gave birth, I felt some pain and a lump around my left breast while I was at work. I didn’t have second thoughts and went straight to our office clinic to have it checked by our company doctor. He asked me, “Is it okay if I touch your breast?” I answered, “Doc, there’s no time for me to be shy now that I could feel something weird in my body.” He checked on it and gave me a referral slip to the nearest doctor for a biopsy. Thanfully, the cyst found was benign. The doctor told me there’s nothing to worry and that I could have it removed or just relax and stay healthy. I chose the latter then a couple of months after, the lump has just disappeared.
And even if my body has changed a lot from being a teenager to a mother, I love and embrace every trace of my womanhood.
Anecdotes by the blogger
Photo grabbed from Michelle Tropp-Diehl’s pinterest.