For some reasons, people always think that I’m haughty and snobbish. Though people know I don’t pick a fight for no reason but they still have that impression of me which makes me less approachable for people who don’t know me well.
I was once asked just recently by my manager “if I think people feel that I’m a snob.” I told him directly that, “I really don’t care about what others think as long as I’m not doing anything bad to them. I admit I don’t talk much with them. But it’s just because there’s nothing to talk about with people that I’m really not close with. We know each other’s names and work in the same office but I don’t think we really need to be friends. I talk with them if there’s anything that is work-related. And that’s enough for me. I don’t think that’s being snobbish.” And he agreed.
I am mean when I’m provoked. I speak up my mind when I have to. I reason out if needed. And yes, there was a point in my life that I was too vocal about anything especially those that I disliked. Back when I was still a student, people were afraid to piss me off. If someone made fun of those that I’m friends with, people would let me know. Then, I’d go to that person who’s bullying others and I’d bully him myself. I wasn’t afraid of anyone, not even my teachers. I stood up when I knew I was right. And that made people think my personality is too strong.
I was a bully to those who bullied others who were helpless. But I never made fun of someone who was helpless. I only bullied those who picked on others who were not strong enough to defend themselves.
This is because I know how it feels to be picked on.
When I was in 4th grade, I was a lot timid to others. I was too insecure that I was taller than anyone else. So, when a couple of older kids were picking on me, I couldn’t resist.
A couple of 6th graders knew that my parents were giving me a generous amount of pocket money everyday for school so they cornered me and asked me to give them P20/day ($0.49) which was already a lot back in the 90’s. I was too shy and didn’t know how to say no. So, everyday they would approach me and I’d give them money. It went on for a month or so. And I really felt so helpless that I couldn’t tell anyone at all. I was too young to think of something that I could do from stopping them. Until one day, when my mom gave me food instead of money, the girls approached me and asked for “their” money. I told them that I don’t have any with me. They were cursing me but knew that there’s really nothing else they could do. For the next days, I told them that I’m no longer bringing money with me. Then I realized, if I wouldn’t give them money, they couldn’t really do anything but just curse. So, I decided the next time they ask me money, I’d turn the table on them. For the last time they asked me money, I told them “how pathetic they were, asking younger kids for money. It only showed that their parents didn’t care enough for them to have enough pocket for school or even food to eat during their break.” They were stunned and I left them dumbfounded. I honestly felt so nervous after that but I couldn’t deny the fact how much better I felt that day for stopping them from bullying me again.
From that day on, I promised myself never to be bullied again.
For the next years in school, I joined different clubs and participated in sports and even became a cheerleader.I gained confidence in myselft, I was no longer insecure about my height and felt even proud about it. Highschool came, I became the over-all president for all freshman sections and one of the most loved (and youngest) officers in our student body.
Because of my reputation in school, I became vocal about what was good or bad. I’d speak up if there was anything not right about something. Even teachers knew they couldn’t torment me about anything because I knew what my rights were as a student and as a person.
But yes, there was one point in my life that I have crossed the line. I easily lost my temper and became impatient.Still, I wouldn’t pick on defenseless people. But everytime I knew anyone being a bully, I’d challenge that person to pick on me instead. Of course, I always won against them.
Then I went on college which was a lot different than elementary and highschool. I started out just fine until I started to be my old self again – losing my temper easily and impatient. My classmates were already avoiding me when they saw my other side. And I felt so down that I realized that I really needed to change for the better if I’d want to keep my friends.
So I did. Though I still have my strong personality,I have learned how to adjust and adapt well with other people. People still have that impression about me being snobbish because my of personality. But I know I shouldn’t mind them as long as I’m not doing anything bad.
I am not proud of what people think I am. However, I have accepted the fact that people will always have different impressions about me no matter what I do. I won’t be able to please everybody and so I don’t have to try to make others like me for what I am not. They gotta take me or leave me alone. I have the friends that I need who accept and know me for what and who I am.